Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

Crushed completely

Last night when I was talking to my lovely fiance, we talked about my ex and that she was probably living in the Black Mountain area with her neice. Then I had a realization, she will probably be coming to The Lake Eden Arts Festival to try and see her son, which is not going to happen until there are formal arrangements made and, a formal setting with professional supervision. This is from what Raven’s therapist has said, and from the psychological evaluation that we had to get because of her lawyer. After I had this revelation, I broke down in tears. I all but sobbed, for about ten minutes as it finally dawned on me that she had done what she set out to do, and what she had told me more than once that she was going to do, and even her son overheard her telling his grandmother the same words, “I am going to destroy you.” She has, with the help of her mother and father done just that, she has single handedly taken everything that I ever worked for or cared about from me.

This started long ago with me and my fishing, she would rail me everytime that I went fishing with any of my friends, so I started getting up very early on Sunday mornings and sneaking out to fish, and I would always be home before she woke up, then there was the gym with my friend Karl. One afternoon after I had worked all day and was going to go and spend an hour at the gym with my buddy Karl, she started yelling at me “What are you gay? Is Karl fucking you in your ass? Karl heard this and it was not long that Karl quit coming around, and I had to tell him that I could not hang out with him any longer, I had known Karl for years longer than I knew her. I could not do anything that gave me pleasure without getting some amount of grief for it. Now she will tell you that I never did anything with her, which is partially true, adn that I never did anything with our son which is compelete bullshit. I took her, and Raven to Cirque Du Soleil, I took her to see Lord Of The Dance, but that was not all. However let me explain to you this one year before Christmas we were walking around in Northgate Mall and we went past Paul Harris and she saw a dress that came with some accessories, that she said that she liked. One day I went back and bought the dress and the handbag that came with it, and there was a necklace too, I bought the entire set. When I gave it to her on Christmas she threw it in the trash, and said that is not what I wanted for Christmas. That is how my life was for 13 years.

My ex was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, back in 1998 or 1999 after a suicide attempt, and I sided with her when she told me it was just some, “crazy psycho babble shit” and that she had dealt with the psychiatrists before and they were all full of shit, and “there is nothing wrong with me.” She liked to drink, and when she did it was almost always to excess, and then she would do crazy things and when you said anything to her she would attack you, verbally mostly, but sometimes physically. One of her past boyfriends that I contacted after I finally got away from her told me about a night that he came home from working most of the day, and then until the wee hours of the morning, and when he arrived home she wanted him to get her some cocaine, he refused and she became enraged, locked the doors, hid the key, and attacked him with a butcher knife he did not get hurt, but when the police arrived they removed him and told him to stay away from her that she was crazy and they were tired of coming to her house. This is the same boyfriend that her father offered, now please read this twice, $20,000.00 dollars if he would not break up with her. In fact I have been in contact via phone or email with three of her past boyfriends, two of which are actually freinds of mine. One of these men was so desperate to get away from her that in the middle of the night he packed his stuff and moved to the West Coast so she could not find him, the second one did something similar, but he was not so careful and she followed him and wrecked his life in the new place.

I suppose that you are all asking what has brought me to this post? I will tell you, with the eppifany of her showing up at the festival, I have had to choose to give that up alog with so many other things. Why you ask? Well if she does show up, there will be a scene, a very bad scene, her child, our son has said that if he sees her he will kill her for what she did to him, then she will probably be drinking and want to attack me, which is her M.O. I will not put that bad karma on the people that come to LEAF, not will I put that bad karma on my fellow LEAF Staff members. I will do the honorable thing for all concerned and walk away, as you all know, “The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few.” I do want to make one thing perfectly clear here as well, I am an imperfect human being, and I am sure that I did some things that were not that great to her as well, but not consistently, my mother never attacked her verbally and made threats, her mother did me and told me that she was going to have me followed by a private investigator. I was not perfect, and even through all that was done, I never cheated on her, I quit drinking and smoking pot, and cigarettes for her and for my son, but get this, she told me one time after one of her drinking episodes, “I wish you would start smoking pot again so you would chill out some.” So I did and she jumped my ass for it in front of our son, and he was freaked out and started crying, and she was yelling, “At least alcohol is legal.” My LEAF festival is gone now, I was there for the very first one and had never missed one, but now it is gone. I have been in tears for almost twenty-four hours now as I realize I have been defeated, I have been destroyed by hate, and evil.

This has changed me to my core, I have never felt the way that I do right now. I am so sad that I cannot find any anger, I am so hollow and empty feeling that I do not know what to do, I have to keep moving, my son needs me, I have to find my strength as my fiance will want me to be somewhat happy and strong. I am crushed.  I am going to take some action though, I am not going to lie down and die without some sort of a fight so I am going to attempt to attach the psych eval to this blog for the whole world to see, what have I got to loose?

Disclosure: I am not a lawyer, or a mental health professional, I am not bound by the Hippa laws, and at this point I say bring it! I have written my lawyer who has done as little as possible, and I have told him that if I have not heard any news by the close of business next wekk I will be writing the Judge in my custody case and sending him the psychological evaluation that he should have had the day after we received it, and I will be contacting thet Bar Association and the State Attorney General’s office to boot. Some friends have told me not to do what I am doing here, but it is time that the world know what my son, and I have had to endure.


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My friends and blog followers here is another issue that many of you have not heard me speak of much, but one that is close to my heart. One of my heros Leonard Peltier, has been in prison since 1973 for crimes that have been proven time and again that he did not commit, in fact the violations of his constitutional rights is astounding, there have been people that have been exonerated just for one, but our Lakota brother Leonard sits in prison still.

From the original massacre on December 29, 1890 when Miniconjou Chief Big Foot, and 349 other brave Lakota people, all but 120 of these were women and children had been told to set up camp on Wounded Knee Creek.  Chief Big Foot was suffering with pneumonia, and these people offered no resistance, as they made camp in the snow where they were told to the infamous 7TH Calvary led by Major White found the group and Colonel James Forsyth showed up and took command and ordered the Calvary set up its Hotchkiss guns and surrounded the group, they went in on the morning of the 29th demanding all firearms be surrendered, one of the medicine men called for resistance, saying that the ghost shirts would protect them, so a scuffle between one of the soldiers, and a young warrior named Black Coyote ensued and his weapon discharged. The Calvary opened fire with it’s cannons and rifles killing 150 of the 350 and wounding many more. Chief Big Foot who was not resisting was among the dead. The Calvary murdered innocent women, and children, they mowed the old down like dogs, and for no good reason. The commander was brought up on charges for killing the innocents but was cleared of any wrong doing, and that was that.

Jump to 1973, February 27, AIM The American Indian Movement occupied the small village of Wounded Knee South Dakota, and at the end of the siege that was led by the US Government there were two dead twelve arrested, and twelve hundred (1200) arrested. Three agents died, one was shot early on as gunfire between AIM and the federal agents was frequent and died later, and then there were two more killed.

I could go on and on, but the pages of the internet would fill up with al of the controversy involved in this case. In short, it has been proven time and again with all kinds of evidence that Leonard is not guilty of the charges against him, there were two other members of AIM that were arrested and charged, but their cases were dismissed. It is time as many people know about this travesty as there were when Nelson Mandela was in prison. Leonard deserves to be freed, and that is the bottom line. Please do some reading, look up the 1973 Occupation of Wounded Knee it last 71 days, but has resonated all over the world since then.

There will be a protest in Washington at 515 9TH Street, on Monday February 6TH from 11:00 AM until 2:00 PM, if you can please try and make it there and help our brother Leonard. Thanks.

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